LAST WEEK, MY EDITOR SENT ME A SURVEY that reported “43 percent of workers believe using corporate jargon can alienate those who don’t understand it”—a stat that struck me because of how clearly it suggested that 43 percent think the other 57 percent are jerks.
The study also provided a list of what respondents deemed the most troubling terms—which included such classics as “boil the ocean,” “move the needle,” and “low-hanging fruit”—and ended by advising readers to “bypass” this terminology.
A quick internet search reveals this is a very popular stance, with no fewer than a million articles casting stones at “annoying corporate buzzwords.”
But what these articles often fail to recognize is that jargon is not accidental. Rather, it’s intended to be alienating. It’s a gumbo of mumbo jumbo organizations develop to distinguish an in-group from the outsiders, the disciples from the heretics.
This is to say, jargon is about power, and in that regard, attempting to “bypass” it can have consequences far more severe than getting called “alienating.” It can make you seem like a threat.
I was first schooled on the sanctity of mumbo jumbo during a long lunch with the cultural critic Joe Queenan, who, with no prompting, veered into a rant about how the Catholic Church never should’ve done away with Latin. “The thing about Latin Mass,” he said, “was the priests had this mysterious mumbo jumbo. And then once the priests started speaking English, they sounded like…insurance salesmen.”
What Queenan, a lifelong Catholic, believed was that some messages are better off when no one’s really sure what they mean. Their inscrutability protects them from logic, thereby enabling them to feel important.
This insight has come in handy during my time as a freelancer, which is much like being a professional outsider on an endless tasting tour of mumbo jumbo. Recently, for instance, I’ve completed projects for organizations in the fields of renewable natural gas, investment banking, retail, hospitality, and academia. And it would not have been possible to hopscotch from one to the next without temporarily feasting on their mumbo jumbo—even when clients specifically asked me to be honest about how it tasted.
During initial meetings, someone will almost always confess their messaging has become mired in “internal language” and that they would like me to “translate” it so they can engage a broader audience.
“OK,” I’ll say. “Tell me more about your company.”
“Oh, well…we harness the power of data-driven, quantum zephyr gigi-mips to optimize the synchronicity of KPKs.”
This is when I’ll nod thoughtfully and say, “Cool.” Then I’ll ask about their target customer, because deep down I’m thinking, If I’m part of this “broader audience” they want to engage, things are going to get uncomfortable.
Herein lies the challenge: “Translating” their message—which would require filtering out all the mumbo jumbo—would make it understandable, which is akin to removing the lone fig leaf that keeps the Emperor from being completely naked. And no one really wants that—because you can’t unsee what’s beneath that fig leaf. Even a single glimpse can cause employees to ask themselves, What am I doing with my life?
On a very basic level, people need to feel a sense of solidarity and meaning, and the language they develop serves to foster and protect those feelings. It’s their Latin. Even something as small as an inside joke between friends—“You had to be there”—reveals how bonds are formed between people by developing a shorthand that excludes others.
To undermine those needs by “bypassing” or “translating” their shorthand is both disrespectful and alienating in its own right—not very different from, say, walking into a church and claiming the priests sound like insurance salesmen.
So if you want to connect with others—and why wouldn’t you?—go ahead and acquire a taste for their gumbo of mumbo jumbo. It doesn’t take much more than a little Googling, and it will demonstrate your willingness to respect their effort and values.
Besides, no one says you have to make a steady diet of it, which is good, because that’s more than most can stomach.
